Joe Abercrombie wrote a character in his First Law Trilogy. A crippled war veteran who despises his life. He became a cripple after being tortured by the other side in war. And eventually, he himself became a torturer for his country. He wants to kill himself every day but somehow gets his miserable ass out of bed every morning, and goes on torturing more and more people.
I have watched a lot of videos on writing, plotting, editing and overall improving my language. But I think Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg is probably the best book you could own on writing. I put it higher than Stephen King's On Writing which was pretty great itself, but did not work for me as much as this did.